Chronicles of an Elf's path

Heyooo


Don't actually remember my last post lol, but I think it was just before I went camping with Jaorso.
And it was dudey ^_^ Muchos fun indeed. It was great to be able to sleep for two nights in his arms, and spending that long with him was fabulous!! Got a pretty new belt, some iron on patches for my blue jeans...tooo blue jeans...and an earring, which I proceded to lose on a ride, went back, and got another one. Itsa jaguars head holding a handcuff : ) yay niceness!


: suddenly gets busy :

will post more later, luff xxxx

Heya, sorry bout the other day...I'm really up and down at th mo', and that was a Down.

Feelin much better now, as I'm off to Jaorso's soon, (so long as my mother moves on time lol, not likely I know but shes trying) and then later we're going up to a car show thingy at Billing for the weekend ^_^

And I can't wait, not only will I have freedom of no family nearby, I have Jaorso for 2 1/2 days + nights, yay ! And £55, which is the most money I have had for a LONG time lol.

Meow, yeasterday I had History in th mornin, Lord was that boring!! I know GCSE's arnt exactly the highpoint of fun in my life, but at least the questions are usually worth answering! Not in this case!
Ah well, only got graphics left, next friday, and thats easy so long as I don't fall asleep hehe.

Oh yeah! When me n Jaorso was at Ghosts yeasterday, we were all in the kitchen and I was rooting through my ( overfilled as usual ) bag to find a spanish sweet I'd got from family to get people to try, and I heard something whisper 'Maria', all echoey. At first I thought it was Jaorso or Ghost, even though it didnt sound like either of them, but I'm almost certainly sure it wasn't.
I've heard it before, but not known who it was. I mean yeah, I hear people say my name or shout it a lot, but thats just part of the random voices I hear to do with my insane-ness, not spiritual-ness.
Hmm, it sorta worries me, but as of yet it doesn't seem to have manifested itself in any way, so we'll see.

Anyways, gotta go get ma sleeping bag and eat watermelon so speak laters y'all!!

mmm...meloon/...

Mreow! xxx

I would...I would just like to write how I'm feeling atm.

All of today, I've been variating, crap..okay..crap..okay..good..craap..okay...worse..well, now I feel shit. I kkep making typos and having to correct them, because I can barely summon the care to type, let alone spell properly,
And, I just feel desolate. Alone.
I'm shit worried about a good friend, who is..lets say on the edge of leaving the motel room called life without paying, but I also feel guilty because I can barely stop them, I can barely get myself to try.
Because I don't think this place is so great, I don't think this life was so wonderful that I wouldn't leave it if there wernt people who needed or wanted me.
Even though I dont understand why, even though I'm not sure if theyre lying or not, because even if they are telling the truth when they say they don't want me to leave, I wont be able to accept it or properly believe them, so whatever they say with regards to that I'm not sure, I don't know whether they really don't mean it or I just don't believe them or...enough.
I'm not sure what to say to them, because I won't lie, I can't lie to keep someone in a world that I consider to be so full of shit it's a wonder the human race can ...Shit, Jaorso just txted me, and now I'm starting to cry because it was nice and I feel like I didnt deserve it.
This is pathetic, I'm so lame!! Why am I this unhappy, I have the most amazing partner, people who I care about and love n who (at least say ) they care about and/or love me, I've only got 2 GCSE's left, and the day after tomorrow I'm going to spend a weekend with Jaorso, which I consider a blessing.
So why, why am I feeling this way?! It doesnt make sense, and the only reason I'm writing it here is because I won't say it otherwise, and I have some urge that people should say their feelings and I'm such a FUCKING HYPOCRITE because I don't want anybody to know the extent of how crap I'm feeling, cos I don't want them to have to pretend to care.

Is bored, so decided to try one of those thingys...yes, thingys...where you have a Q bout th future + let your media player on random choose summat for ya...hmm...well, we'll see...

Okay, Whats tomorrow gonta be like...'Happy Death Day', by Alien Ant Farm.. How apt, I probably will feel shit, and if I do die, oh well, not like I can change that..

Next one, Whats the next few years of my life going to be like?...'Extraordinary Girl', by Greenday. Meh...

Um..Whats the rest of my life going to be like?...'Benzin', by Rammstein...lots of blowing things up as such, and petrol hmm? Fire and petrol, something I can deal with, hehe..

Love...?...'Bestrafe Mich', also by Rammstein. Yep lol, I can definately see myself saying that to Jaorso. And getting it. Sounds damn good to me!!

And not that I neccessarily need to ask considering the last answer lol, but its on the list so..'Sex life..?'...'Till I Come' by ATB? lol, hmm!! He he

Luck...Will I be lucky?..'Das Modell', by Rammstein. Thats random!! Uh, not sure what that has to do with luck exactly, but hey!!

Will I get the death I want? 'Story Of A Lonely Guy' by Blink 182, a very angry song lol, so could be right! Meh, ...meh.

Will my life be short?...'Gilded Cunt' by Cradle Of Filth. Lol, 'die, die, die gilded cunt, die you gilded cunt..' sounds interesting :S

Whats my worst fear?...'Eifersucht', but as I accidentaly clicked forwards before I finished writing that, I'm not sure. The next one was 'You Stole The Sun From My Heart', which is true. Well, both of them are fears of mine, but I spose the second one could be called my worst one, at least out of the two..I'm so scared of being alone, but I already Am alone, and I'm scared of not being alone, too, because then I'll fear even more being alone again. But meh, I'm pretty sure I'll always be alone in the end. Everybody will leave me, so meh.

Should I have hope?...'Easier To Run', by Linkin Park. That pretty much sums up my whole lifes emotions, right there in one go. So what? I have to hope for being able to fight? Nope, no hope.

What about happiness?...Don't rememberwhat The songs called, but its by the Foo Fighters, um lyrics include 'do what I want, because I can and I wont, becasue I wanna...''Do believe I told you so..' that one...ring any bells? Lol, sounds like I might be happy, but hmm, doubt it..meh.

And other people? Will I fulfill my duties?...'Whisper', by Alien Ant Farm. Yeah, sounds like I will! At least, I will and nobody will realise. Sounds good to me, just how I'd want it. Its not like I could ever do enough anyways, so although its nice to be thanked/noticed at times, I'm not good enough for it. It also suggests I'll be 'so confused..' Yep lol, sounds like normal to me!!

General Future...? 'Giving In', by Adema. What a shock...

Mental Health..? 'AudioChaos', some of the outtakes lmao!!! Shows what mental health theres left in me lol!! NONE!! heehee!!

Uh...okay,,bit of a weird question but hey!! What will my favourite sex-ness be..? 'Drowning', by Adema. Ha!! HAHAHA!! Damn right lol!! But..I cant/..couldnt..kill Jaorso...:mumbles and grumbles:..But it is also about control, and I like that :p, both sides of it! Muahaha lol ;p

I should probably leave the list there for now lol, mb I'll continue it at some other point, but meh, tis all for now dudes!! Rather a random post, I know, but hey, sorry :$ I'm supposed to be writing my CV to apply for a job at Dunelm Mill, so I'm bored.

One last question lol...Will anybody read this? Another AudioChaos lol!! Wtf is that supposed to mean?? Heh, ah well!

Meep, Mrow

Well heylo...

Its 9:00 exactly, well, it was when I typed that lol, and as I'm not actually online right now, I thought I'd do my update as such offline, so that when I get online I can update with ease....heh, sounds so cheesy, 'update with ease...', also sounds like an advert for some sort of lube lol.
Anyways! Today has been boooring. Was sposed to revise science + history all day, but ended up doing a little bit of science, as I got bored too much to absorb any information anyway lol.
Helped mother to wrap up a loada presents and stuff, sort out some cards etc. Itsa lotta peoples bdays right now, not really sure why, but hey.
Then went + had a shower. Took me about an hour, which is longer than usual, but oh well, I dont mind...
Played O.O.T for a bit, waitin for it to be 4ish so I could go make family dinner, as carina (lil sister), was supposed to walk home so not get back till half four anyways.
But she got home early.
So got changed, went downstairs, started to make dinner.
Fake pork chops n 'fries' for me, chicken + pasta salad and 'proper' oven chips for them, + I made an omlette to go with it.
Apparently, it tasted good even if I do admit so myself. Lol, at least I'm away for the weekend so I won't get asked to make it for a lil while. Hehe, I dont mind that much tho.
What I do mind, however, is getting left with the washing up when I made the whole dinner, set up the table, get drinks etc, (when settin up etc was sposed to be sisters duty, as it was my night to wash up.) But no, and because she wiped the mats down, I have to wash up.
Oh well. And Jaorso just txtd me whilst I was txtin him, so I'll see him for at least a small time tomoro, and thats just made all of my frustration go away.
So no more moaning for now lol. Except that my reply aint been recieved yet.

Write more later,

Take care y'all

Meri

Heylo all....yes, I'm stupid, I know. But I got my login-ness again.

As updating the last few months would take loger than I have right now, I'll do it later. And I cant really update on the last few days now, either, as I have to get offline soon, but I'll be back later.

So yeah, will write again in a bit mi hearties


Yarr n all

love n fishes fr now


Meri

xxx
xx
x

Hey there...

I'm not sure how this site runs yet, and my part of it will probably suck but hey, you don't care.

I'm Merisata..and, the shortened version of that is either Meri or Merri. meh. I like it.

And today is sunday, I have to go to my grandparents but all I want to do is find a dark corner and a sharp blade.

My arms are actually aching in a good way thinking about it. I know it'll probably make me feel better, at least for a short while untill I feel guilty again.
And I'mm sorry for saying this, you'll probably think I'm a whiney little bitch who doesn't know fortune when it smiles on her and whose depressing everybody else who reads this with her own selfish shit.

Well tough. I do know when I have luck, and I am so thankful for all those things that have kept me alive, given me reason to live. And if this is depressing you, don't read it. I have enough shit from others without people complaining when they could easily turn away.

I think by journal you're supposed to write how ya feel, what you've been up to, your thoughts etc. So thats what I'll try t do. It'll be good t have somewhere where I can say shit, maybe not all of it, but the rest goes into my peotry books.

And I gtg. great.

Well, laters y'all

xxx Meri xxx